At first, there was complete silence. Then, there have been shrieks, wild applause, weeping and shouts of “I love you!”
Fans of Shinjiro Atae, a J-pop idol who has been on a virtually two-year efficiency hiatus, had come to listen to him discuss “the challenge of my life.” Standing onstage in a darkish auditorium in entrance of two,000 followers in central Tokyo on Wednesday night time, he revealed one thing he has saved hidden for many of his life: He is homosexual.
“I respect you and believe you deserve to hear this directly from me,” he stated, studying from a letter he had ready. “For years, I struggled to accept a part of myself. But now, after all I have been through, I finally have the courage to open up to you about something. I am a gay man.”
Such an announcement is extraordinarily uncommon in conservative Japan, the one G7 nation that has not legalized same-sex unions. Earlier this summer season, the Japanese Parliament handed an L.G.B.T.Q rights invoice however it had been watered down by the political proper, stating that there “should be no unfair discrimination” towards homosexual and transgender individuals.
In making a public declaration, Mr. Atae, who spent 20 years performing with AAA, successful Japanese pop group, earlier than embarking on a solo profession, stated he wished his followers to know his true self. He additionally hopes to consolation those that may be grappling with anxieties about their sexuality.
“I don’t want people to struggle like me,” he stated.
Activists stated they might not recall an occasion when a Japanese pop star of his stature had publicly declared they have been homosexual, due to anxieties about dropping followers or sponsors.
“I think he has decided to come out in order to change Japan,” stated Gon Matsunaka, a director and adviser to Pride House Tokyo, a assist heart for the homosexual and transgender group.
Mr. Atae, who started dancing with AAA when he was simply 14, stated he has been getting ready for — and fearing — this public coming-out for years.
For most of his performing life, “I thought if I was found out it would end my career, and so I couldn’t tell anyone,” stated Mr. Atae throughout an hour-and-a-half interview the day earlier than his announcement on the residence of his elder sister in western Tokyo, the place he sat on a lime inexperienced straw mat in a grey T-shirt and saggy black fake leather-based shorts.
The choice to open up about his sexuality, he stated, advanced over seven years of dwelling in Los Angeles, the place he noticed how freely homosexual {couples} might present affection in public and constructed an intensive assist community.
“Everyone was so open,” he stated. “People would talk about their vulnerabilities. In Japan, people think it’s best not to talk about those things.”
Gay and transgender performers who usually seem on tv don’t speak explicitly about their sexuality.
“Japanese society is not a place where people strictly state their sexuality,” stated Satoshi Masuda, a researcher specializing in Japanese well-liked music at Osaka Metropolitan University. “Rather, it naturally comes to be known.”
Mr. Atae, the youngest of three youngsters, grew up in a city between Kyoto and Osaka.
His mom insisted that he play baseball till the top of elementary faculty. Sticking with it, she instructed him, would educate him “gaman” — the Japanese phrase for endurance.
When he found a neighborhood hip-hop dance studio, the self-discipline grew to become an instantaneous ardour. “I just thought: ‘This is it,’” he stated.
His instructors inspired him to check out for a brand new pop group. On a lark, he despatched in a résumé and auditioned by video although he was nonetheless in center faculty. After two weeks of coaching in dance, singing and performing in Tokyo, Mr. Atae was chosen by the administration firm, Avex, as considered one of eight preliminary band members.
AAA debuted in 2005, with Mr. Atae, the youngest member, forgoing highschool. He carried out principally as a dancer, and commenced showing in TV collection and films.
His sexuality perplexed him. “It was a time when on TV, comedians would say two men kissing was gross,” he stated. If anybody requested if he had a girlfriend, he simply stated he was too busy working.
AAA quickly scored with followers, ultimately recording eight prime 10 hits on Billboard Japan’s Top 100 chart.
But as Mr. Atae wrote in a memoir, “Every Life Is Correct, But Incorrect,” printed final 12 months, “my mental state was in shambles.” He stated he spent a interval with AAA “stuck in a marsh of negative thinking,” annoyed that he was not as effectively generally known as different band members.
What he ignored was that he was terrified {that a} gossip journal or followers would uncover he was homosexual.
In 2016, as among the members of AAA launched into solo acts, Mr. Atae moved to Los Angeles, the place he attended leisure business lessons and studied English on his personal.
But when he visited neighborhoods well-liked with the L.G.B.T.Q. group, he bumped into Japanese vacationers and expats, and feared somebody may leak a photograph of him at a homosexual membership or out with a male date.
“I thought, everything is over,” he stated. Then the long-ago baseball classes from his mom kicked in. “I thought there had to be a way,” he stated.
Gradually, Mr. Atae made pals he might belief along with his secret. He started to plan his public revelation.
He must inform his household, his mom first. “It was the most nervous I have ever been in coming out,” he stated.
“I was super surprised, and I had never imagined it,” stated his mom, Suzuko, 66, who requested to maintain her surname non-public to keep away from harassment.
Although she supported her son personally, she balked when he stated he wished to go public. She was anxious about Mr. Atae going through on-line assaults or discrimination. Now, she stated, “I am 200 percent supportive.”
On Wednesday night time, his mom sat within the again row of the auditorium, throughout the aisle from her two different youngsters and their households, crying as he broke down sobbing as he instructed the viewers that he as soon as “thought my feelings were wrong.”
Even as Mr. Atae began recording solo songs with lyrics like “Pretty girl, I still adore you,” he had began telling extra individuals about his sexuality. His solo profession has been modest, with no chart-topping hits.
To his pals, the news was typically a shock. But many, together with fellow band members from AAA, confirmed up on Wednesday to cheer him on. “The word ‘diversity’ started becoming more common, but how to take in that word is still a very difficult issue in Japan,” stated Misako Uno, 37, a AAA member, in a backstage interview. “I want to be a good cushion” for him.
Writing his memoir, Mr. Atae stated, was a strategy to soft-pedal his eventual announcement to followers.
“I figured it was not a good idea to just suddenly say ‘I am gay,’” he stated.
Mr. Atae’s choice, he stated, was not political. All he wished, he stated, was to “normalize” being homosexual.
On the day earlier than his announcement, a stylist, a make-up artist, a publicist and several other assistants trailed Mr. Atae throughout a photograph shoot the place he wore a Céline shirt and John Lawrence Sullivan trousers. He appeared relaxed, regardless of repeating how nervous he felt.
Coming out, he knew, would probably draw criticism. “Whatever you do, there will be haters,” he stated. “I can only focus on the people I might be helping.”
After the announcement on Wednesday night time, Miku Tada, 23, an artwork scholar in Tokyo, stated her coronary heart broke to consider how Mr. Atae had “struggled on his own.” But now, she stated, “I think that he can have a lot of influence on other kids who may be feeling the same way.”
Reiko Uchida, 43, a housewife from Saitama, a suburb outdoors Tokyo, stated that usually, she could be bowled over if somebody instructed her they have been homosexual or lesbian. But with Mr. Atae, she stated, “I see him as someone whose personality I like and a person that I respect.”
The night closed with a music video broadcast of Mr. Atae’s single, “Into the Light”:
“I spent so long being these versions of myself/
I forgot who I was, I was somebody else/
You give me something I’ve been missing my whole life/
I’m coming into the light.”
Source: www.nytimes.com